#also pls ignore the ending ik its cringe my excuse to any cringe is that these were all written at like 2am
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empty
ive romanticized
amd gloryfied
the emptiness that comes
with being alone for too long
so now
each day
i resign myself
to avoiding conversations
and shoving everything down
as far as i can
i thought it was
a strange kind of beauty
where the silence could grow
and the true nature
of all things
would be found
but i was wrong
and now
when i try to say anything
i cant
my eyes well
my throat closes
my tongue numbs
and i cant say a word
without tears spilling
and that sound
that awful sound
becoming the only thing that
can be heard from me
i wish i had known better
when i was younger
and could still talk
without thw looming sense
that if o slip
and say something
i will be left alone
and empty
perhaps even
beautiful
#ew vulnerability#uhh i was really struggling with talking about my feelings (that hasnt changed much)#*cue laugh track*#but especially and specifically i wrote this after a doctors appt where they tried to check the dosage of my stabilisers for mood swings#but i am especially horrid at saying words of this nature (my emotional stability) out loud#it was also when i was mega confused about gender and i wanted to talk to my dad about it#but my family is full of cis people that hate the concept of not being cis in general#so i could not do that#they are still like this but i am less confused about gender now (conclusion: doesnt matter doesnt exist in me properly)#this is also about the sheer amount of time i spent reading quotev angst at age 12#that changed me fundamentally#also pls ignore the ending ik its cringe my excuse to any cringe is that these were all written at like 2am#poetry#(grimaces)
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